Next time you are in a bar or restaurant, take notice of how two people look when there's rapport between them. Even without hearing the details of their conversation you can tell whether they are in sync or not. People will naturally move in step with each other - its like a dance. There's a sense of unison in their body language and the way they talk - NLP calls this matching and mirroring.

NLP suggests that you can deliberately match and mirror someone to build rapport until it becomes natural. To do this, you will need to match:

• Voice tonality (how you sound) or speed
• Breathing rates
• Rhythm of movement and energy levels
• Body postures and gestures

However, beware the fine line between mimicry and mirroring. People will instinctively know if you are making fun of them or being insincere. When you are in rapport with someone, you can disagree with what they say and still relate respectfully with them. The important point to remember is to acknowledge other people for the unique individuals that they are.

Pace before you lead

Becoming great at networking requires that you ‘pace' other people. Pacing people can be compared to boarding a moving train or bus. If you tried to jump straight on to a moving train, it's highly likely you will fall off. In order to jump onto the moving train you need to gather speed by racing alongside it until you are moving at the same speed before you can jump on.

Similarly, in order to lead others or to influence them with your point of view, you need to pace them first. This means genuinely listening to them, fully acknowledging them, truly understanding where they are coming from - and this requires plenty of patience.

In business, leaders that succeed in introducing major change programmes do so in measured steps. This allows changes to gradually become accepted by employees. People are unwilling to be led to new ways of working until they have first been listened to and acknowledged - i.e. paced. The most effective leaders are those who pace their people's reality first.